Women's intimate portraiture

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"Hey gorgeous ladies! My names Kiley, I’m 24, and I work on a 911 ambulance as an EMT with the city of San Diego. In my past, I’ve been through some life events that have majorly altered my own perception of my body and appearance, including a three year, terrible, emotionally abusive relationship. I had been called fat and ugly daily, amongst other things, and he had continuously forced dietary supplements and gym time on me for the entire relationship. Getting out of that was one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done, however i carried a ton of shame with me for a very long time. I struggled with accepting any compliments at all and would brush off any positive comments that came my way. I couldn’t even be naked in front of a mirror without thinking terrible thoughts about myself. When i found Alyssa’s page on Facebook, I was more open to acceptance, but still wouldn’t allow any positive talk into my mind - i knew i wasn’t ugly but i didn’t think i was beautiful. After having followed her for a couple years, i went through another terrible breakup with an amazing man and found myself wondering, again, why I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t eating and was killing myself to find a reason why he fell out of love with me, wondering if it was the 20lbs I had put on through the relationship, or the fact that I’d stopped wearing makeup as much. 

I was ready for a change. I was ready to stop mentally abusing my own self and to actually see what others had been trying to tell me for so long. So I made the decision to book with Alyssa with the understanding that i was doing it for my eyes, and my eyes only. And that is so extremely powerful in itself - to have the power to WANT to see true beauty. After I’d booked, I was going back and forth between pulling out of the shoot and going forward with it which I quickly realized would be one of my biggest mistakes of my life, so I thankfully stuck with my decision. When I was sent a model release to think about signing, I had to take a moment and a deep breath! There was no question whether Alyssa would capture an insanely gorgeous side of me that I’d never paid attention to before, but was I ready to accept that and show others what I had been rejecting my whole life? I signed that release knowing my view was about to change. But the photo shoot itself and events leading up were better than I could’ve ever imagined! Every woman on Alyssa’s team treated me like I was family - like we had known each other for years. I’ve never felt so welcomed and comfortable in my life! I wasn’t self conscious around them in underwear and heels, i wasn’t scared to show off my next outfit to the group! It was an insane feeling to know that they were viewing me in a way I’ve always wanted to view myself. But to be completely honest, my favorite part of the day was when I sat in my car on my way home and just let the tears flow. It’s a strange feeling when you realize that your perception has been completely off, persuaded by outside events for so long that you actually believed it! That feeling was only put in concrete when I was invited back to view the photos. I was shaking in my seat on the way to the studio... and let me tell you, the entire reveal, I was bouncing in my seat, slapping my thigh in excitement! I couldn’t believe that that woman in the photos was actually me. That there was NO editing to my face or body, that she didn’t make my skin look more smooth, that I was actually the confident, sexy, gorgeous, perfect woman in that album. 

To any woman that has any glimmer of hope, any interest at all to feel like they’re worth a world of compliments... to any woman who has at any point in their lives felt as if they’re not beautiful in any way, I strongly encourage you take a leap of faith. Finances aren’t an issue. Time is not an issue. Age is definitely not an issue. The decision solely lies with you and where you want your heart to be. You do not need to lose 5/10/20 lbs. You do not need to grow your hair more. You do not need to change your outward appearance at all because I can promise you, you are so extremely beautiful and Alyssa can prove that to you. I have to stop myself from showing everyone my photos and from posting them onto my social media (because work would have a fit haha). Those back rolls that i hated so much, i think they’re adorable now. That small belly that i’ve always hidden from photos, I’m not self conscious by any more. Alyssa and her team were able to alter my thoughts about myself, so why couldn’t they do that for you too? I would give anything to be able to work alongside them every day. That is how amazing this experience has been and continues to be for me. Keep your head up, beautiful, because your breakthrough is right around the corner."

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BOUDIE BABE

KILEY