January 23, 2018
As we go through our walks of life, wandering the paths and hoping we are on the right one, we come to a point where we must decide whether to live for ourselves or for others. I came to this point right after my first traumatic battle with depression. It was a time in my life when I needed to decide between letting my mind overpower my soul, or giving my soul the strength to ease my mind.
I thought I had myself all figured out. My life was turned upside down by battles that were going on inside of me. I suddenly had no connection with the person I once was. I had lost her along the way. I grew to despise my mind, body and spirit. I was now a very monotone version of myself. I went from being a generally happy pre-teen to a ferociously depressed teenager.
It all came down to me just not wanting to be myself anymore. I didn’t want to see my reflection anywhere. I didn’t want to be photographed. I wanted to stay sheltered to protect myself from scrutiny.
I carried these feelings with me into adulthood. It was exhausting to have such negative feelings towards myself. Once I was at the bottom of this pit of sadness, it struck me. It wasn’t dramatic, like a bolt of lightning striking me with knowledge, but more like a moment in time where I found myself wondering how I could possibly allow myself to hate myself so much. It was a calm moment when I had a bit of a heart to heart with myself, and I decided that I was my own worst enemy. Ironic, really.
Once I became my own worst enemy, there was nothing anyone could do to hurt me. As fantastic as it sounds to never feel anything, that just isn’t the case. Pain is just one feeling. I wanted to feel everything. Most importantly, I wanted to feel love and happiness and I wanted to feel these things for myself.
Surviving is important. We often think about survival as being a last resort. Even though every day that you live is a yesterday that you survived. I’m a firm believer that even in the darkest of times, we must keep going. I was in a bad place in life but I didn’t let myself stay there.
I learned through watching my relatives go through difficult times and still managing to get through it without complaint, if you’re in a bad place you just need to keep moving. A better place will come along. If I had allowed myself to stay in that place, I never would have become who I am today. I would not be able help others. I had to learn self love before that part of life would come my way.
“Temper us in fire, and we grow stronger. When we suffer, we survive.”
― Cassandra Clare
Boudoir has helped me see myself as everything except for mediocre. I see myself as a strong, sexy, powerful, empowering woman that is capable of anything. There are no limits to what I can achieve with the power of self love. I defeated the part of me that hated who I was, simply by empowering the part of me that absolutely adored myself. I had to become my own cheerleader. I’d root for myself in the mirror in the mornings.
“Hey sexy bitch, I love you. You’re incredible. Don’t let little things affect you in a big way.” You see, there’s nothing wrong with being totally in love with yourself. Self love is incredibly healing. We need to allow ourselves to heal. Forgive that part of you that was so hard on your being.
Boudoir has opened doors for me that led to places that have become my home. I absolutely love what I do. To be able to share my story with the woman who needs to hear it, and help someone find their own way through boudoir is the greatest blessing. You deserve to see your sexy!
You deserve to capture these moments in time. Every woman needs to be given the opportunity to capture her sexuality just as it is in this moment. Because no matter who you are, how you feel, what you look like or where you’re from…every woman deserves self love.
It’s a beautiful gift that you can give yourself. I promise you. Whatever it is you’re dealing with, whether it be troubles in your relationship, a stressful life or what you consider to be a boring life, boudoir is here for you. Self love is inside of you, always. It’s important to remember that above all else, we have a burning love inside of us, strong enough to light a million candles. Let this be the side of you that overpowers the side that holds an ounce of self doubt.
“My sexuality is not an inferior trait that needs to be chaperoned by emotionalism or
― Alice Bag
Written by E. Haro