October 3, 2017
When we need to do something for ourselves, we often stop ourselves. We hesitate to do something bold in fear of what our peers may think. It’s a reasonable fear. It’s okay to be afraid. We were all afraid at one point or another. The beauty of boudoir is that your fear will fuel you. It fueled me in the most incredible way. I saw my chance to change the way I thought of myself, and even though I was not comfortable with myself, I took the leap anyways. I had to.
I was lacking something very important on my journey through self-discovery. A support system. We all need one. A person who you could run home to with your beautiful photos in hand, and they’d be excited for you. A person who knows that this has nothing to do with proving to anyone that you are physically beautiful. Boudoir isn’t about proving anything to anyone. Boudoir is about you.
I feared that when my friends and family saw my photos, they would feel disrespected. I feared my significant other would judge me. All of my fears boiled down to me being afraid of what others would think. So, I stopped being afraid. I took control of my life and my body. I decided that it was more important for me to see myself in this new and scary way than to please my peers. Sometimes, we just need reassurance that we are strong. I know I did. Boudoir is the strongest thing I have ever done.
I looked at myself for the first time and thought “wow…that’s me”. I saw me at my most vulnerable and I saw beauty. In that moment, I didn’t think about what anyone else would think about my photos. I was completely peaceful. I realized how much it didn’t matter what people thought. I thought I was lovely. I found myself a little bit more every time I saw one of my photos. I became my support system.
I saw my pain in a new light. My pain and suffering gave me something special. Wisdom. I learned through trial and error that you absolutely cannot depend on another human being to complete you. You must complete yourself. You must love yourself in a way that nobody else can love you. Let your self-love be so strong that no other love compares. It’s the love that you will have with you for the rest of your life. Why not let that love be so strong that you never fear not being “good enough”.
I kept depending on people to reassure me that I was good enough. Whatever “good enough” even means. “GOOD ENOUGH” IS RUBBISH. There isn’t a soul around worth second guessing yourself for. You are you. The only you on this planet. Why not absolutely adore yourself? I stopped believing in the possibility that I wouldn’t be good enough and my world changed. I smile more often. I laugh more often. I love more often. My insecurities caused me to believe that in this world full of beautiful people, I was the only person with flaws. How insane is that? I really thought everyone else was perfect and they were all glaring at my flaws. I found that to be completely untrue. Nobody saw my flaws. Not until I pointed them out.
We always need to put ourselves first. If we allow ourselves to be held back in fear of what others may think about us, we may never accomplish anything at all. I was so worried about what my peers would say about me when really all I needed to worry about was what I would say about me. I say I’m strong. I say I am beautiful. I am working on myself each and every day and that is totally okay. We are not finished growing. I also say I no longer give a damn what anyone has to say about my boudoir experience. You shouldn’t either. Your opinion of you is the only one that matters. So be kind to yourself. Love yourself. You are a masterpiece.
Written by: E.H